2 years and still counting

We 'fixed' Kanna

"Romba dull..."

The usual irritating expression to describe me being a bit down. The usual day with classes. The usual blackout hours.

But today is not the usual day. It is March 11th.

And yet, frankly, I do not think my classmates even remember what happened 2 years ago.

Well, I cannot blame them. I do not recall when an earthquake hit Darjeeling/northeast a while ago. Nor can I remember the exact date  for the Mumbai attacks. Sorry, but it's true.

And for me, too, the painful memory of the disaster is slowly becoming the-memory. 

I always thought "not a single day passes without thinking about that day." To be honest, not anymore. I do, of course, think about it a lot. I do. But lately I have been having days when I am free from the fear, the devastating fear, that we experienced that day. And those happier days are increasing in number.

It is a shame, I think. How can I ever live without thinking about those people who are still suffering, away from their home, living in temp houses, missing their family, searching for their loved ones....??? I should never live without it. But it does feel nice to be away from these thoughts and be a happy person.

Speaking of a happy person:

I was not a happy person for many years. I mean, I had not been. I was dragging some pain since 2004 because of something which happened in March. Every March, I was sorta in a small depression, thinking about it over and over. I used to tell my friends how difficult it was to get over it. I was so convinced I would not overcome it that (I think) I even told myself to be in a state of being super sad during the entire month.

Then March 11th 2011 came. My life changed. Our life changed. All of us.

At the beginning of March 2011 I was expecting my sadness would hit me soon, as I had been doing for the past few years. Then the earthquake. I did not even bother about my past anymore. Gone.


Personally, I am a bit grateful in a sense that my 2004 is no longer a 'big deal.' It is a tiny tiny issue compared with the loss we had as a country.

But this does not mean it is better that way. Being sad about myself is just replaced by being sad about other people. Does it make it any better? No. It is worse. It is not just about me anymore. It is about us, our country, and our land.


Last year I put on an Internet radio to offer a prayer at the time when we had the quake a year earlier. This year I was stuck in my classroom, listening to my teacher talking about how one SHG became a failure case. It felt wrong.

This is what I am afraid of: not being able to have at least once a year at the right time when I do think about that day, and offer a prayer for those who have lost their lives and who are still suffering. Not being able to do it, and slowly forgetting the past.

To be continued...